Do you hear that?
Today’s the day. The dawn of a new age.
If you’ve been anywhere within earshot of me for the last 6 months you’ve probably been cornered and forced to listen to my soundbar woes. These were some of my darkest days. Over the last couple years I’ve accrued a mass of Blu Rays and 4Ks so quickly that I’ve placed great financial strain on my family, and to go along with that investment, I massively upgraded my movie watching setup. I modded my 4K player to play imported Region B and C Blu Rays, got a better, bigger TV and like any spiraling obsessive I made the leap from standard, flat audio to an immersive, unnecessarily expensive soundbar. Somewhere within all that hoarding of plastic I unearthed some sort of techno-curse upon myself, my loved ones and most noticeably, my soundbar.
But those dark, impossible times are behind us. It is on this fine Thursday, the holiest of days, that my prayers have been answered. The demons have been exorcised from the circuitry of my oblong speaker. We stand here proudly, with lossless audio, ready to dismantle any argument the streaming philistines throw my way about physical media and my unwavering loyalty to the highest quality home viewing experiences. To provide perfect closure to this chapter of my life, I returned to the jungle, black-face Robert Downey Jr. in tow, to experience one of 2008’s finest offerings with just as Ben Stiller intended, without audio cutouts. The future looks bright, and it sounds even better.
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